O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
