woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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