the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
pray to the hookup gods
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
