i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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