i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
