The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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