i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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