i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
