Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
