Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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