Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
