Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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