he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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