Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
