he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
