mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
