my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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