Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
