I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
