Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
