the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
