Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
