oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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