girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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