Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
