Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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