Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
