I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
