Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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