No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
