its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
