We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
