I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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