The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
