oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
