My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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