That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
