I heard we made out
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
