somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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