went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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