oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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