she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
