Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
