Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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