3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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