what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
