I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
