wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
