I'm going to jail i love you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
