Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
