Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
